In Flanders, people call it a moeilijk — difficult — conversation. In the Netherlands, the same conversation gets called lastig — awkward, or a nuisance. Two words, two ends of the same small language area, describing the exact same knot in the stomach before you open the meeting room door.
It’s a small linguistic difference with a useful implication: the word a person reaches for often reveals how they’re approaching the conversation — and that’s diagnostic information, wherever you work.
What the word “difficult” does
Calling a conversation “difficult” frames it as a problem to be solved. It sounds like an obstacle: you need to get through it, and once you’re on the other side, it’s over. That framing suits people who want structure — first this, then that, then it’s done.
The risk: “difficult” also implies the conversation is essentially a problem to overcome, rather than a relationship to maintain. That shift in emphasis is subtle, but it steers the whole exchange — from “how do I get through this cleanly” toward “how do we stay connected, even though this is uncomfortable.”
What the word “awkward” (or “lastig”) does
The looser word places the conversation closer to an irritation than a crisis — something unpleasant you’d rather skip, but not the end of the world. For some people that’s a relief: the conversation carries less weight, less reason to postpone.
The risk of the looser framing: it can also trivialise the conversation. Once you’ve labelled it “a bit awkward,” the temptation to put it off grows — it doesn’t feel urgent enough to tackle today.
Same problem, two entry points
Underneath both words sits exactly the same mechanism: a high-stakes conversation, with opposing interests or strong emotion, where the brain switches into survival mode instead of connection mode. The Flemish framing and the Dutch framing don’t describe a different phenomenon — they describe a different entry point into the same one.
That’s precisely why language matters in coaching and workshops: the word a person or team reaches for spontaneously often reveals their first assumption about the conversation. Someone who calls it “difficult” often over-prepares the content and under-prepares the relationship. Someone who calls it “awkward” risks never having the conversation at all.
Three questions that outlast the word
Whichever word you reach for, these are the questions that actually determine the outcome:
- What’s the factual core of the conversation — separate from your interpretation of it?
- What do you want the other person to think of you afterward — not just about the content?
- What’s the worst realistic outcome of not having the conversation? (Usually worse than the conversation itself.)
One method for the conversation itself
Whether the door you’re opening is in Antwerp, Amsterdam, or anywhere else: the model that works is the same. Start with the facts, not your judgement. Share how you experienced it. Name the impact. Ask a genuine question. Look for a way forward together. Language varies by region — the mechanics of a conversation that actually works don’t.
Frequently asked questions
Is there a real difference between a “difficult” and a “lastig” (awkward) conversation?
Not at the core of the problem — both describe a high-stakes, emotionally charged conversation. The difference is connotation: “difficult” sounds heavier and problem-focused, the looser framing sounds lighter but risks trivialising the conversation.
Why do Flemish and Dutch speakers use different words for the same conversation?
Regional language variation between Belgian Dutch and Netherlands Dutch is common, and it shows up most in emotionally loaded topics — this is one clear example.
Which word should I use in a professional, international context?
The word itself matters less than the preparation behind it. Use whatever framing feels natural to your audience, but prepare the conversation with the same structure: facts, experience, impact, question, shared solution.
How do I prepare for a difficult or awkward conversation?
Start with the factual core, separate from your interpretation. Decide what you want the other person to think of you afterward. And ask yourself what the worst realistic outcome is of not having the conversation — that usually puts everything in perspective.
